Kosher Blog

What to really expect at your first Passover seder

Jane Moritz, owner of the Challah Connection, published an article on a wire service about attending a Passover seder for the first time — what to expect, what to do, what some of the traditions are. Unfortunately, it’s completely geared toward sedarim held in less-observant households.

When it comes to our seder, we by no means provide the most comprehensive or punctilious service in town — but even in our rather modern household, much of Ms. Moritz’s advice should be disregarded.

And so, I provide corrections for the frum home, or “What to really expect at your first Passover seder.”

Start Times
This year, expect the first night’s seder to begin after 7PM, the second night’s after 8PM, exact time depending on when your host gets back from evening services. Don’t walk in with any expectation of when it will conclude, aside from “before the morning prayers” — don’t worry, you’ll understand that reference soon. Ahead of time, it’s perfectly okay to ask your host how long it usually takes.

The Haggadah
Sedarim and the haggadot used therein vary widely. Your seder may be conducted entirely from the Hebrew text, with a mix of Hebrew and English, or mostly English with some important Hebrew sections thrown in for authenticity. Many sedarim include lengthy discussions between the major sections, when participants are encouraged to share their own interpretations or those printed within the haggadah text. Luckily, at an American seder, your haggadah will nearly always contain a translation that you can use to follow along while any Hebrew is recited. Don’t feel embarrassed if you’re lost or need some help — even the more seasoned Jews among us struggle with this once-a-year ritual.

Counting down to the food
By this point in Jewish history, it’s pretty cliche to complain about the number of pages left until the festive meal. The rest of the year, you, like me, probably eat like an animal, chomping down a Hot Pocket (or rabbinically-approved alternative) whenever and wherever the urge strikes. Why is this night different from all other nights? You’ll actually be hungry by the time the brisket rolls out — so smile and be glad to have the opportunity to eat like a mensch.

The Four Questions
By all means, brush up on the Jewish trivia, but you needn’t “practice” the Four Questions. The youngest at the table (a child, typically) does the formal recitation, so instead, think up a couple incisive questions of your own to ask of your fellow participants.

What to bring
Trust me — it is a great honor for your host to have you in attendance, and he certainly will not be upset if you show up with nothing but an open mind and empty stomach (to use the parlance of our times). Certainly, if you’re unfamiliar with the Jewish dietary laws, err on the side of caution — the house you’re visiting has been scrubbed, scoured, singed, and soaked for at least a week already, and you don’t want to stumble in with any unkosher or leavened items. Maybe you have a religious coworker at the office? The guy with the beanie, or the woman who comes in with perfectly coiffed hair, often with headband, in different colors and styles each day of the week — ask if they can recommend an appropriate gift and where to purchase it. You may even want to show the purchased item to him/her to confirm its permissibility. People get pretty touchy about this Passover stuff.

But if your host says don’t bring anything — don’t bring anything. It’s okay!