Kosher Blog

Booze you can use

First, the obligatory disclaimer: I don’t condone public drunkenness on Purim, I abhor the practice and believe that such behavior is likely not a mitzvah but in fact a chilul hashem. That said, there is a place for mature adults to drink responsibly on Purim. A more learned and erudite guide to this mitzvah is available; scroll to the end if you just want his conclusions, which seem reasonable to me.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, what follows is a “practical” discourse on some of the approaches that can be used by zrizim to attain that elevated level of k’dushah: ad d’loh yodah.

Wine
It would be baal tashchis (waste of something valuable) to get soused on almost any wine worth drinking. Most table wines weigh in at about 11% alcohol by volume (ABV) and are properly sipped or slurped, but never slugged. With these bottles, one would have to live in an area that keeps Shushan Purim to get the job done on time. However an exception is the Teal Lake Shiraz, weighing in at almost 15% ABV (about the same caliber as many liqueurs). Alcohol content is not the only strong characteristic of this Australian wine, as normally subtle adjectives like “spicy cherry and anise flavors” will climb off this bottle?s back label and hit you over the head. And that’s just after the first sip; drink enough of this deep-purple monster and you’ll see why one of my friends calls it a “raspberry booze bomb.” Usually available for less than $15 a pop, the price is right and it’s mevushal too.

Another, lighter, option is Beaujolais Nouveau. In my opinion this tart and fruity red is a featherweight meant for swilling, not sipping, making it especially appropriate for certain Purim tables. If your liquor store has any in stock, they’re probably unloading it by now (it won’t be drinkable for much longer) for well under $10 a bottle.

Beer
If you don’t go for dry wine and want to avoid getting sick from too much Cream Red Concord, beer can present an alternative. A class of ales known as barleywines is one suitable choice for the Purim seudah; these beers are usually over 10% ABV (but to avoid potential kashrus problems, you should stick to those that are under 15%) and they are usually lightly hopped, yielding a complex and often fruity or spicy tasting beer that is less bitter than what most Heineken drinkers are used to. Brooklyn Brewery’s Monster Ale is an excellent example of the variety and is pretty easy to find in New York. Most important, at 12% ABV this ale will get you toasted a lot faster than those cheap pishvasser “ice” beers.

Another option from the beer section would a Belgian “strong ale” like Duvel. About 9% ABV, Duvel is hoppier than most barleywines but is worlds better (and stronger) than a certain evil Mexican import, whose name should not defile this blog, let alone one’s holy quest for total inebriation.

Whiskey/Whisky
In the kosher world whisky/whiskey is often king, but every year I cringe over the many good bottles of Scotch that are ridden down to a puddle in an effort to reach the benighted dreamland that is such a popular hangout on Purim. Anyways, Scotch is expensive, and most Scotch is watered down to a wimpy 80 proof, which can impair the serious drinker?s quest for impairedness. Bourbon provides a much better derech for reaching the most exalted madregos of ad d’loh yodah, and while I?m not a huge fan of Bookers, many of the premium whiskies from Kentucky can be had at over 90 proof, and under 45 dollars.

Also, there is a special category of super-cheap whiskey appropriate for the serious iluy. Besides their price, and the fact that after half a liter one can’t tell the difference between Dewar’s White Label and Johnny Walker Blue, these bottles have an additional advantage for the falling-down-drunk: they’re made out of unbreakable plastic.